SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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