Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
