we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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