My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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