i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
