just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize