That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
