do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
