dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The air taste purple.
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