She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My breasts were aching with rage.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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