Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
