end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
