Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
