i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
