8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
