no, he came in my armpit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
