if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
