its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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