she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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