Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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