I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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