yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
two words: eviction party
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
