wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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