Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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