the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
