well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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