he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
