I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
