hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
