Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry about my life...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
