we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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