i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
