1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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