i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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