I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
