So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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