i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
