please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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