What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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