Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
