She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
