Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
