I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
