I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize