i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Less talking, more tequila
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
