Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
