You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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