Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Operation Purity has been aborted
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
