I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
