Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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