It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
