Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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