they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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