That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize