I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize