so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
