i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
