you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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