I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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