he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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