Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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