Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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