I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
