Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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