Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
