is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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