yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
