I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
