he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
