I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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