My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
