I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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