So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
