i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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