i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
