we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
