dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize