i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
