I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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