I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
