I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
