I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
