There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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