last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
