Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
