Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
