i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize