OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
