i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
