At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
