..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
