Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
