Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
