Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bang-toberfest begins!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
