So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
