hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my poor anus
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
