A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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