I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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