you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize