I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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