So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
