please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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