im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Panties = found
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
